Santa Claus Delivers to Music Biz

Back - Index - Submissions - - What is RSS? Date: Dec 26, 2000 Source: Katrillion Submitted By: Mayuri By John Yang 12.22.00 14:33 (Katrillion) -- It seems that artists always get better treatment than the rest of us normal people out there. They get the fancy cars, best seats in the restaurants, and no waiting in lines at the clubs. To add insult to injury, Santa Claus revealed to Katrillion that he delivered Christmas presents to some of your favorite artists early this year. While we will have to wait until December 25 to see what St. Nick brought us this year, Claus tells Katrillion in an exclusive interview just what was left under certain celebrities' trees. And their gifts are way cooler than yours, too: Katrillion: So why did you decide to deliver presents early to celebrities this year? SC: Well, my schedule in the North Pole usually works so that I finish the list-checking, present-wrapping, and sleigh packing by December 24. This year we unknowingly finished ahead of schedule -- must have been the new Pentium III processors we upgraded to this year -- and before I realized it, it was December 21 and I had already delivered some of the gifts. Katrillion: But just to the celebrities? SC: Well, celebrities are more important, so they would obviously come first. Katrillion: Can you tell us what you gave Metallica? SC: I gave them some Prozac so they would stop being angry and suing everybody. I feared that they would eventually start suing each other. Katrillion: How about Christina Aguilera? SC: I gave her a bigger bottle so the genie could contain her budding ego. Katrillion: Britney Spears? SC: Trenchcoats. Lots of trenchcoats. Katrillion: Rage Against the Machine recently lost one of its members. Did you give them anything to fill the void? SC: That's a tough one. I haven't decided yet, although I'm taking your suggestions into consideration. (See Rage Spin-Offs That Might Work.) But definitely a new lead singer either as a late Christmas gift this year or an early one next. Katrillion: How about Limp Bizkit's Fred Durst. SC: Well, I heard he canceled a lot of dates on his Anger Management tour because of voice problems. So I gave him the same lip-synching machine that Britney and 'NSYNC use at all of their concerts. Katrillion: Speaking of 'NSYNC, what did you give them? SC: Nothing. They sold 10 million copies of "No Strings Attached." They don't need anything else. Katrillion: The Backstreet Boys? SC: Some Oxygen8 to wash away their sour grapes. I mean, they sold 1.6 million copies of "Black and Blue" in their first week, and it wasn't good enough for them? Who cares if you didn't break 'NSYNC's record? Santa doesn't. And that A.J. McLean, I gave him another copy of his driver's license. Katrillion: What for? SC: So he can remind himself everyday that he is A.J. McLean and not some corny British singer called Johnny NoName. I did the same for Garth Brooks last year for his Chris Gaines impersonation. Katrillion: Napster's been pretty big this year. Anything for Shawn Fanning? SC: I haven't given it to him yet -- it'll be on Christmas. I'd rather not tell you because then everybody's going share it four days before its release. Katrillion: Lastly, how about Eminem? SC: I gave him a new notebook to replace the one he lost. And if you're listening, Em, yes it has a picture of Britney on the cover. Katrillion: Thanks for your time, Mr. Claus. SC: No problem. Merry Christmas. Comment on this item. Recent Comments Submitted by: Antony Submitted by: John Submitted by: Ann Elisabeth Submitted by: Carol Clark Submitted by: Kevin Shen Submitted by: Edd Comment on this item. Next Item: Listening Across the Generational Divide Prev Item: YM Magazine Article - Feb 2001