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Submitted by from
Date:
Submitted by Edda from Guatemala City Guatemala Honduras
Date: Fri Jul 13 19:49:07 2001
Dear A.J.:
I just want you to know that i love you and that you are a great guy and i'm sure you'll get through this becuase you're a strong person and don't forget that you just don't have the guys (BSB) to support you but also all of us fans out there all around the world (even in our country, which is not on the list!!!) who care about you!! you'll always be in my thoughts and in my heart!!!Me & cousins (Anel & Leda) are the biggest fans & we saw you guys in concert in Orlando in june... you guys were awesome and soon you'll be back out there (i'm sure of that) this concert was so important to us, we even cut school... so you can see that our love and support are unconditional and hopefully this will help you realize how important you are to us and to so many other people!! love you always, a big "bear hug" to you,
edda P.S. i'm also from GUATEMALA, but my country was not listed!!!
Submitted by Kelly Perrier from lethbridge Ab Canada
Date: Fri Jul 13 19:47:59 2001
Hey AJ
When I heared about you going into treatment i was really sad aj i know you and get through everything i love you and keep strong u have 4 guys that will be there for you and u have me aj i love you man get better
Submitted by Chelsea from Minnesota USA
Date: Fri Jul 13 19:42:48 2001
AJ,
All ur fans are rooting for u.We know u can get through this.Thank u so much for being honest about ur problem and not trying to cover it up.I think u bringing this out into the BSB fan community will make other people more knowledgeable about this illness and people will take it more seriously.And thanks for telling the guys u thought u needed help.That was a very brave thing,and I'm proud of u.U are in my heart and prayers always.
Luv Ya,
Chelsea
Submitted by Leda & Anel from Guatemala City Guatemala Costa Rica
Date: Fri Jul 13 19:30:45 2001
Dear AJ!!! We just want you to know that we know you'll get through this, 'cause you're strong and you have the support of everyone that loves you (and believe us that's a lot people) so just know that we're behind you every step of the way even if we're thousands of miles away!!!we send you all our love & our best wishes...
hope to see you on the road again soon!!!
Anel & Leda
Guatemala City, GUATEMALA
Central America P.S. we're not really from Costa Rica but sadly our country wasn't on the list!!!
Submitted by Diana from Mexico D.F. Mexico
Date: Fri Jul 13 19:30:37 2001
aj:
espero de todo corazon que tu recuperacion sea pronta y que estes muy bien en donde quiera que estes ya que eres una gran persona y mereces todo lo mejor del mundo.
tambien quiero que sepas que las chicas de varios clubes de fans de aqui de mexico te estamos apoyando y queremos que te recuperres para que en un futuro no muy lejano vuelvan a mexico ya que aqui los adoramos y queremos.
no te desanimes .
with love diana.
(All caps detected. Message converted to lowercase)
Submitted by Megan Hudson from Jacksboro TN USA
Date: Fri Jul 13 19:24:25 2001
AJ,I hope you get all these letters that we are writing. If you don't all we're are doing is telling ourselves everything is going to be ok. I think you know everything is going to be ok. So I am just going to thank you for being honest. And that I am behind you all the way..nothing would make me stop loving BSB. So I guess thats all. I am Praying 4 you...trust in God and everthing will be ok. ...Love,Megan
Submitted by Alison Roberts from N. Wales United Kingdom
Date: Fri Jul 13 19:23:13 2001
Dear AJ,
I feel at bit stupid writing this because I doubt that you'll ever get to read it, but I just wanted to wish you all the best in your recovery. Just remember that you are not alone. We may never really know you, but there are thousands of fans (or friends), all over the world, supporting you and praying for you. It'll be a long road, but as others before you, you'll be able to get through it!
Good Luck.
All my love
AlisonPs. Sorry it sounded a bit cheesy, but the good intentions are there!!!
Submitted by Betzaida from Carolina Puerto Rico Puerto Rico
Date: Fri Jul 13 19:17:08 2001
A.J.,yo se que tú vas a salir muy bien y triunfando,siempre te apoyaré en todo momento,aunque sea solo por mensajes.
I LOVE YOU
A.J.
Submitted by jennie from new york new york USA
Date: Fri Jul 13 19:07:43 2001
dear a.j.,
i don't know how soon you'll get this, or if you'll ever get this at all, but i hope you will be alright, and come back. none of us are mad at you, and we all support you in every shape and form! good luck, and i hope to see you soon in rutherford,n.j.
love love love,
jennie
Submitted by Brittany from California USA
Date: Fri Jul 13 19:05:09 2001
Hey A.J! You're a strong man and I know that you can pull yourself through all of this. Good luck and I love you! Take care and I hope to see you in August when/if you come out here to Cali! You're in my prayers as well! :::Hugs:::
Submitted by Mine Maranki from Adana Turkey
Date: Fri Jul 13 19:00:23 2001
Dear Aj,
it's late at night here in Turkey, but my feelings for you didn't let me fall into sleep!
i want to thank you for being honest to us!
we will support you all the way and all the time! because we love you so much and we only want you to be happy and funny again! we pray for you!
God bless you, Dear Aj! feel our love always around yourself!
Love ya Dearest! =)
Submitted by Adriana Carolina Molina Aragón from Maracaibo Zulia Venezuela
Date: Fri Jul 13 18:58:26 2001
Bueno espero que hayas pasado un buen día y quiero que los disfrutes al máximo no será dificil ya que tienes unos excelentes amigos y tu familia siempre te apoyará en todo lo que hagas, ánimo y sigue siempre adelante con tu cabeza muy en alto y con el orgullo de ser un Backstreet Boys , todos pasamos por momentos dificiles en la vida pero hay que superarlos con valor y sobre todo con Fe ya que sin ella no podemos hacer nada y claro siempre pidiéndole a Dios la ayuda que necesitamos, Dios siempre debe estar en nuestras mentes y corazon ya que él nos ayuda a salir adelante con mucho éxito. Te deseo lo mejor y te envío un beso y un abrazo muy fuerte, y como te dije ánimo y no des marcha atrás a tu decision de recuperarte.Atte: Adriana Carolina Molina Aragón
Venezuela - Maracaibo - Estado Zulia
E-mail: adriana_carol56@hotmail.com
Phone: 0261-7929143 / 016-8656106
Submitted by Catrina D. Cooper from Saginaw michigan USA
Date: Fri Jul 13 18:58:07 2001
a.j., it's hard to write this. i have been a fan of yours for a long time and just pray that you get better. i know the feeling of losing someone close to your heart. and i know right now is hard but, trust in god and you will pull through.everyone of your fans are here and will be here for you when you get back.and remember love yourself cause on one will love you the same as you love yourself.be cool, be safe
much love
Submitted by Sara from Waterford, Ireland
Date: Fri Jul 13 18:52:46 2001
Dear AJ,
I've already written in here (although that entry's like 170 pages back by now!) but I had to post another message, because without realising it, you did something for me this week and I just had to tell you about it. I don't know if you'll ever read this, but I hope so. So, here goes.
I've been thinking about you constantly, and I know how much courage it must have taken you to ask for help. I know, because you gave me the confidence to do it too.
Since August 1997 I've been harming myself. Not taking a knife to my wrist kind of harming myself, but harming myself all the same. Apparently they call it 'self-destruction'. I have (had?Fingers crossed!) a tendancy to cut myself with my nails, and occasionally other small sharp objects, making little marks all over my arms, sometimes 20 or 30 at a time (on each arm). I usually drew blood, and always tore the skin. I know this must sound incredibly weird, and I can't explain it really, but somewhere in my head it made sense.
I always managed to hide this over the years, by wearing long-sleeved tops and stuff, and after a while my skin seeemed to heal much faster after I'd done this to myself. Maybe it became kind of immune. Thing is, I knew my skin wouldn't heal forever, and now it's starting to leave tiny white scars, which I know are only going to get worse if I keep it up.
You're probably wondering why I do this. The truth is, I don't really know. Like you, my parents split up when I was little (before I was born actually) and I lived with my Mam and my Grandparents. I'd never met my father, and until I was about nine this never really bothered me. I think it was at around that age that I became more aware of other kids and their Dads. At first I was just curious, but didn't want to ask my Mam too many questions in case I hurt her feelings, although I realise now that she wouldn't have been upset. Then as I got older, the curiosity became mixed in with feelings of hurt and low self-esteem. I guess I thought, 'What's wrong with me? Why doesn't my father care about me?'. I felt like it was my fault. If I'd just asked my mother about the details I would've realised how stupid that was, but I never did.
It was during the summer of '97, when I was 11, that this started to upset me most, and that's when I started harming myself. I can't explain what was going on in my head, and only people that do this to themselves can really understand it, but I figure it will make a little sense to you, being a victim of depression. I felt worthless at times, like I deserved to be punished for being the type of person that a father couldn't love. Then, other times I'd take my anger at him out on myself, so I always ended up hurting myself in one way or another.
When I was about 12, I decided that I was going to stop blaming myself. Actually, you were part of the reason for this. You showed me that a not having a father doesn't make a person any less special, and that just in the way your Dad not having contact with you was his loss, so was it my Dad's loss not having contact with me. You also made me realise that it wasn't my fault. This didn't stop the pain altogether, but I always had you to look to when I was down.
Later that year, I met my father for the first time. He told me the whole story, and I realised that there had been a lot of stuff going on behind the scenes. It turns out that he had always wanted to have contact with me, but my Mam had refused to let him see my until I suggested it, and I had never known this and not talked about him much, so it had never happened. I now have a wonderful relationship with my father, and I have partly you to thank for it.
So that's it, problem solved, right? Wrong. Although the initial problem had gone away, by now I couldn't seem to stop harming myself. It was like an addiction, and whenever anything went wrong or I was down, I'd immediately start abusing myself. I was doing it practically all the time, and although I tried to give up so many times, it never seemed to work.
I went through all this alone. I figured I didn't want to worry my mother, and there was nothing my friends could do, so I suffered in silence. By now I'd almost convinced myself it wasn't a big deal anyway, but deep down I was scared. That's probably partly the reason why I never talked to anyone about it, I was worried they'd call me a freak.
But after I saw you admit that you have a problem to yourself and everyone else, I was inspired. I felt awful for you, and I cried my heart out. Maybe a little part of me was crying for myself. But I thought, if you, who has been through so much crap, can be this brave and ask for help, then I don't have the right to feel sorry for myself over my little problems anymore. I had to get help too. And I did.
On Wednesday, I came clean to my friends about what I've been doing to myself. They were incredibly supportive (if a little-well, a lot-shocked), and I think they can help me get through this. I still refuse to tell my Mam, but I think maybe I wont have to, because this time I have an incentive. And that's you.
This time I'm doing it for you as well as myself. I have you to look to when I feel like I can't make it, and I know that I couldn't live with myself if I din't try to stick to this, because I'd feel like I was letting you down. With you for guidance, and the help of my friends, I think I can really make it this time. I haven't harmed myself since I heard the news about you, and I don't intend to start again if I can help it.
So basically I wanted to say thanx. For being one of the biggest inspirations in my life, for making me feel like I'm not alone, for being honest, and for getting help. You've made my life a lot better just by being you.
I know the rest of the guys, your Mom, the rest of your family and your friends are going to get you through this, and I'm hoping us fans can do a little bit to help too.
So don't forget how much we all love you, and how much support you have. I have so much faith in you, I know you can do it, and with a little bit of help I think I can too.
Take care of yourself. I love you and thanx again!
Love,
~Sara~xxx
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